Revenge of the Straight Elf
by Lady Emerald Star
Summary: Legolas is sick of being considered gay especially with Aragorn and is planning revenge! THE END IS HERE! FINAL CHAPTER UP!
1. The idea

Revenge of the Straight Elf

Disclaimer: I own the Lord of the Rings DVD (yay!) but I don't even have the special edition one (waah!) so how is it possible that I own the whole thing? IT ISN'T! (in case you didn't understand that. I do not own the Lord of the Rings)

Author's Notes: Ok, I'm going to say this in the beginning so we understand: I have nothing against gay pairings. Actually I enjoy reading a good Legolas/Aragorn romance every now and then. But in my story they're not gay. In fact they're just good friends. No benefits involved.

Duo: Only because you'd get jealous otherwise. And when are you going to work on stories with me in them again! sticks tongue out at Legolas author's pet!

Legolas: looks stricken I'm sorry! I can't help it that my good looks inspire her to write more about me and not about you!

Emerald: It's ok Duo, I still love you! It's just I finally saw the Two Towers and I'm all fired up about Legolas now!

Duo: rolls eyes whatever, just get on with the story.

Chapter 1

It started out as a normal day for Legolas. He had woken up then practiced archery for awhile, then went to get something to eat. As he passed through the hall he noticed his father, King Thranduil talking to a few other elves. He changed course to head over to their direction and saw that his father was trying not to laugh. This intrigued the young prince, and he couldn't help but wonder what it was his father found so funny. When he finally had made his way over to the group he bowed.

Thranduil smiled at the elves and announced "My son, the Prince Legolas." The others bowed back, than left. Legolas looked at his father with a confused expression.

"Why did they leave, Father?" The King chuckled.

"They didn't want to be here when I broke the news to you."

Legolas looked even more confused. "What news?" At this Thranduil covered his mouth to hold the laughter in.

"The council believes that it would be best to unite Mirkwood and Rivendell. They propose that you should marry into Lord Elrond's family."

Legolas looked at his father, worried. "I really don't see what is so funny about that, Father." Thranduil quickly pulled him into another room so no one would see him laughing before answering.

"Well, they told me that to suit your desires more, they have offered one of his sons." At this he could no longer contain his laughter and fell onto the floor. Legolas stood, shocked. He glared at his father.

"There is utterly NOTHING funny about this situation!"

"Yes there is!" Thranduil managed to choke out.

Legolas just stood silent before stomping out of the room. He stomped all the way to his chambers and locked the door. It wasn't so much that gays offended him, it was the fact that everyone considered him one. This wasn't the first time someone had mistaken him that way. 'Imagine' Legolas thought. 'Me, gay! I'm a womanizer for crying out loud!' He sighed.

For some reason people refused to accept that. They were constantly saying that he was sleeping with Elladan, Elrohir, or Haldir. What made him even madder was the fact that everyone ignored the actual gay elves. Nobody ever commented on Elrond's obsession with Thranduil, or that Elladan and Elrohir actually were gay. They always just assumed that Legolas had seduced whoever they were pairing him with at the time. He shook his head. Mostly it tended to be with Aragorn, who was his best friend. Aragorn was actually in a relationship with Elrond's daughter Arwen, but that didn't stop anybody from thinking they were involved. It always made Legolas mad that Arwen refused to stand up for them when she was well aware of how things really stood. She always claimed that it was funny. And now they wanted him to marry one of Elrond's sons!

Legolas cursed under his breath. His father might eventually help out, but for now he was too amused to do anything. Legolas suddenly stood up straight. He refused to be mistaken any longer. He would prove to people that he was straight AND expose those who weren't. It would be his long deserved revenge. Smiling deviously Legolas looked at the door. His father was sure to come soon and tell him he was being sent to Rivendell. Well, all the better. It was the perfect place to hatch his scheme.

This is going to be interesting! Hehe! Oh, by the way, when I put something like 'this' it means that it's people thoughts.


	2. Plan in Action

* * *

Revenge of the Straight Elf

Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING.

Author's Notes: Oh my god! I can't believe how many people reviewed! You've inspired me to start writing the next chapter right away. You have no idea how happy you've made me!

Legolas: So happy, she gave me a lollipop for my good work! pulls out one of those huge lollipops that take 3 lifetimes to eat and starts eating it

Duo: So happy, she even gave me a lolli! resumes munching his huge lollipop

I appreciate all the support I've been getting. Elvea in my original formatting it wasn't all in one big paragraph, but when I upload stories to it messes up my formatting really bad. I'll try to fix that though. Oh course I agree with all you people that say Legolas isn't gay (he isn't! he's so straight it's not funny!) while I also have to agree with shinigamisangel that you can't help pairing Leggy and Duo with all the guys sometimes. But they aren't gay! Thanks again for the reviews!

Chapter 2

Just as Legolas had expected his father soon gave him the news that he would be heading to Rivendell as soon as possible. Thranduil would follow after he finished some important business that he was currently occupied with. The goal would be to keep Legolas from being married to a male, and hopefully maintain good relations with Rivendell.

On the day of Legolas's departure he was summoned to Thranduil's chambers. Upon entering Legolas bowed and asked. "Did you wish something of me, Father?"

"My son, I wish you success in your mission while awaiting my arrival. Would you be so kind as to deliver to Lord Elrond this letter from me? I wish for it to be read by none but him." Thranduil replied.

"Of course." Legolas answered then quickly turned and left before his father could see the mischievous smile on his face. The letter fit perfectly into his plan. During the whole ride that day Legolas contemplated his actions. While he certainly did deserve his revenge, he wasn't sure if others deserved what effect his plans would have on them. On the second day of his journey though, the Royal guard that were accompanying him started to tease him.

"My lord Legolas, are you nervous about your wedding?" One would innocently ask.

The next soldier would quickly reply: "Of course he is. After all, I have heard that the sons of Elrond are nicely endowed." While Legolas turned bright red yet another would continue.

"My lord, would you prefer for one of us to "prepare" you? Though you have seduced many fine young men, we have heard of no one conquering you yet." Then all the soldiers would laugh and talk of other matters for awhile before teasing him again. Legolas turned redder and redder, partly from embarrassment but mostly from pure anger. When they finished riding that day he stalked over to beneath a tree and pulled from his sack a piece of paper and pen. For the rest of the evening he could be seen underneath the tree, furiously writing whatever it was. Eventually the captain of the guard moved to talk to him. Upon hearing his approach Legolas clutched the letter to his chest, than looked up innocently at the elf.

"Do you need something Beleglion?" He asked sweetly. Beleglion looked down at the prince suspiciously.

"What are you doing?" he said instead of answering.

"Why nothing of importance. Merely recording the last few days in my journal."

Beleglion nodded. "Right... the men's comments did not upset you, did they my prince? For they were only jesting. You know they will defend your..." here the poor captain was at a lost for words for a few moments. "Your... sexual preference to any that truly believe you to be gay. They just enjoy tormenting you."

"Of course I know that! Now my dear Beleglion you had no need to trouble yourself over such a small thing! Head right back over to the fire this instant! I only need a few more minutes to complete my entry." And having said this Legolas smiled so sweetly that Beleglion knew for sure that he was up to something, but complied with his wishes anyways. True to his word Legolas wrote for a few minutes before joining the others at the fire, but it was what he wrote in those moments that were important.

The rest of the journey was without incident, and soon the company had arrived at Rivendell. Lord Elrond himself appeared to greet them. As Elrond individually spoke to the men, Beleglion couldn't help noticing the wicked smile on the face of Legolas. Eventually Elrond stopped in front of Legolas and hugged him.

"Dear prince Legolas," he started. "I look forward to having you in my family."

Legolas returned the hug, and answered, "It would be my pleasure to be considered one of your great family, my Lord. My father has written a letter for you, two in fact. He requests that they be read by none but you." Here Legolas handed Elrond the letter his father had entrusted to him, and another one which was tied with a red string. Elrond flushed with delight and Legolas knew that his suspicions that Elrond fancied his father were true.

"Well I must be off to read these important messages then! Help yourselves to whatever you desire, I shall see you all at the feast tonight." Elrond quickly bowed and left. Legolas watched him go with the most evil of grins on his face, and Beleglion knew that his worst fears were being confirmed. He was quite certain that the second letter was indeed from Legolas!

At the feast that night, all noticed the change in Elrond. He couldn't stop smiling and was actually humming to himself at times. The word had spread throughout Rivendell that he had received a letter from King Thranduil that no one else was permitted to read. The Lady Arwen was sitting next to Legolas, and she questioned him about her father's strange behavior with all the freedom allowed to old friends.

"Legolas, what in the name of Valor did your father write! I haven't seen my father act like this since... well... Never." Legolas looked at her wide eyed.

"I don't know Arwen. My father only told me to deliver the letter, he never said anything about what was in it." Arwen looked at him suspiciously. She knew Legolas was lying, but didn't really wish to know what it was he had done this time. They had been friends all their lives and she knew he had the worst mischievous streak. Eventually she decided to just change the subject.

"So how do you feel about your betrothal? I must tell you, my brothers are fighting over who should get to marry you." And with this she laughed. Legolas glared.

"That's not funny Arwen! Why don't you ever just come out and tell people that I'm straight? It would save you a lot of hassle. I've heard that many elves have started hitting on Aragorn now too." Arwen laughed again.

"I know. It is much funnier just to watch though!" Legolas sat fuming for the rest of the evening.

For the next few days Legolas tried to convince the council that he wasn't gay. They refused to listen though, instead debating whether they should marry him to Elrohir or Elladan. Legolas knew his only redemption would come from his plan. Elrond continued to act strangely, and it was even rumored that he had started giggling during a meeting when King Thranduil was mentioned. No one knew what was going on, except Legolas of course. He was hard put to keep the smile off his face and pretend that he knew nothing. Luckily they received word that Thranduil's business was finished and he would be arriving any day now.

On the day of his arrival, Elrond could not keep still. He had spent 4 hours doing his hair it was said, and was wearing his most glamorous robes. He had gathered all the important persons of Rivendell and they waited at the gate. Finally the trumpets began to blow as the King rode into the city. Elrond blushed and rushed forth to greet him. The whole city stared in shock as he threw himself into the King's arms. Thranduil looked down at the Lord holding him tightly then back up with the most bewildered look on his face. Elrond eventually let go of him and stepped back.

"Elrond, what are you doing! Everyone's watching!" Thranduil hissed, looking anxiously around.

"You are too funny my Lord! Still pretending, like it's a big secret." Elrond answered. Thranduil looked at Elrond as if he was insane. Meanwhile, within the crowd, Legolas could not stop laughing.

"What are you talking about Elrond?" Thranduil finally managed to say.

"Our engagement of course!" Here everyone gasped and a great many fainted.

"WHAT!" Thranduil yelled. "It's right here in your letter, let me refresh your memory, my dearest Thranduil." Elrond cleared his throat then began to read the letter. It read:

* * *

My Own Lord Elrond,

Many days have passed since we were last together, and I can not stop thinking about you. This marriage between our children is a sham, just as our anger towards each other has always been. Why force our children to marry, when my love for you shines brighter than all the stars in the Heavens? I know I have said before that we must keep our relationship a secret, but I am tired of pretending I feel nothing for you. Will you do me the honor of marrying me? We shall announce our love for each other to the world when I arrive in Rivendell. Until then, breathe not a word of this to any other. I look forward to the hours we will spend in each others' arms.

Your Boy-toy, Thranduil

* * *

The people of Rivendell gaped at the two. Thranduil was turning the most intriguing shade of red, and Legolas was actually rolling on the ground with laughter. But even he froze in shock at the next words out of Thranduil's mouth.

"My sweet Elrond, this letter is so true, though I did not write it. Why hide our feelings any longer? Will you marry me?" At this the King dropped to one knee.

"Oh Thranduil! Of course, I would be the happiest elf alive to be married to you!" Elrond exclaimed. The two shared a passionate kiss before turning to the crowd, beaming. Legolas was standing with his jaw on the floor. Aragorn and Arwen slowly approached him as the rest of Rivendell headed off to feast in light of the engagement.

"Did your plan backfire a bit there, dear Legolas?" Arwen said, more as a statement then a question. Aragorn was laughing heartily.

"Bet you never knew your father was into Elrond!" He exclaimed. Legolas meanwhile just glared at the both of them.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but that was NOT right!" The pair grinned at each other.

"So you're saying you didn't write that letter to Elrond?" Legolas flushed and looked at the ground.

"Umm.. no. Oh well, at least I've gotten my revenge. Now Rivendell knows who is truly gay, and hopefully who's straight."

Just at that moment though two elves happened to be passing by. The trio could not help over hearing their conversation. "This makes sense now, after all, the apple never falls far from the tree."

"The other elf laughed and replied. "Yes, it will be interesting to see what happens when Thranduil's son and Elrond's foster son finally admit their feelings."

Oh! Poor Leggy's plan didn't work! They still think he's gay!

Legolas: I'm not gay! Really, I'm not! starts crying Why do they all think that?

Duo: pats him on the back There there, you're just going to have to come up with another plan.

What do you think? Does Legolas need to attempt another plan? I think he will if we get enough reviews!


	3. People just don't believe

Revenge of the Straight Elf  
  
Disclaimer: Ok so I do own the special edition DVD (yay!! Woohoo!! Party!!) but I don't own anything else. No, I'm lying. I OWN IT ALL!!! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! (whomever believes this, say AYE)  
  
Author's Notes: we're up to the 50 review mark!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!  
  
Legolas: All due to our inspirations, of course.  
  
Duo: Yah, the readers love us! Right? *turns towards readers with puppy eyes*  
  
Emerald: ...anyways sorry for taking forever to update, I was busy with schoolwork. Yuck.  
  
Duo: What you actually did that 5 page chem. report? *gasps*  
  
Legolas: Don't you have 2 English essays you still have to do?  
  
Emerald: Yes but I didn't want to have to wait till next weekend to get the third chapter up. Of course this might be the last chapter.. I'm not sure how I'm going to end this chapter yet, I'll just have to go with the flow and leave that up to my muses!  
  
Legolas and Duo: *grin evilly* BWHAHAHA!!!  
  
Emerald: *looks scared* anyways thanks again to everyone who reviewed!! Love you all!!! Remember to review this time too!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
That night there was a feast in honor of the engagement. Legolas was sitting next to Arwen and Aragorn, looking miserable.  
  
"Cheer up pal, at least you don't have to get married now." Aragorn said while patting him on the back.  
  
"How can I cheer up? My father is engaged to Elrond and everyone still thinks I'm gay. Why me God?!?" Legolas answered before hiding his face in his hands again. Arwen shared a glance with Aragorn. They both thought it was rather funny, but couldn't convince the prince of that. At that moment Elrond himself came over.  
  
"Dear little Legolas." He began as Legolas quickly stood up and found himself being hugged to death. "I'm so happy that you'll be my stepson now! Of course your marriage to Elladan or Elrohir is off, I want you to think of my children as your brothers and sister now." With this he motioned for Arwen to join in on the hugging. Giving both of them one last squeeze he backed away, tears evident in his eyes. "Remember that Rivendell is now one of your homes, and feel free to do as you like Legolas. Arwen, look after your new brother." Elrond then turned and headed up with Thranduil, who greeted him with a hug.  
  
"That is just not right." Legolas exclaimed as he slumped back down on the table. Arwen shuddered. "Do you think he's going to act like this all the time now?" she asked Legolas. "I don't know, he's your father!" Aragorn meanwhile had watched the scene totally amused. "Guess I'm not as important now as his foster son, since you get to be his new stepson." He remarked. Legolas glared at him. "My sweet little Leggy, how are you today? Oh how I love my darling stepson!" Aragorn teased, managing to sound a lot like Elrond in his current state. "Why I ought to...." Legolas started as he began choking Aragorn. Arwen sat laughing as she watched them, and was just beginning to move to prevent Legolas from choking her love to death when another stepped in.  
  
"Prince Legolas! Why are you choking poor Aragorn?" questioned the female elf as she pried his hands away from Aragorn's throat. "Because.. I felt like it. Do I know you?" he asked, confused. She blushed. "Why no my prince, I am just a humble servant. But you shouldn't kill Lord Aragorn!" Here Aragorn thought to put in his good sense. "Of course not! After all, you'd miss your dear friend!" Legolas moved to choke him again but Arwen quickly grabbed Aragorn's hand. "Come my dear, I wish to dance." Legolas watched them go before returning his attention to the unknown elf.  
  
"And what is your name fair lady? I'm sure it must be as beautiful as you." She blushed daintily before replying. "Aradalien, my lord." Legolas grinned charmingly. "As I thought, a name worthy of your beauty." Aradalien looked at him with wide eyes. "So it is true, that gay men are so much kinder and sensitive!" Legolas spluttered "Wha...What?" Aradalien giggled.  
  
"Oh my lord, you need not pretend! I thank you for your kindness and offer some words of comfort for your fight with the lord Aragorn. He does love you, and will return to you. The Evenstar's affections will not keep him away for long. He will be faithful to you once more my lord, fear not. Until then, it would be wise to conceal your anger, for violence will not win him back." Aradalien touched Legolas's cheek, then sighed. "It is a pity though that such a fine man as you has no interest in the attentions of a lady." She rose and curtsied gracefully, then left. Legolas watched her go with a look of shock. She had completely misinterpreted the scene between him and Aragorn. What's more, he had been trying to pick her up! As he sat there still looking shocked, Arwen and Aragorn returned.  
  
"What's wrong Legolas? Did she offer you counsel for your relationship problems with Aragorn?" Arwen asked jokingly. Legolas turned to her and nodded slowly. Aragorn became red with fury, and Arwen started to laugh. This seemed to jolt Legolas out of his world of shock, and he stood.  
  
"I will stand for this no longer!" he exclaimed to the others before rushing out onto the dance floor. He reached the musicians, and spoke with them a second before they stopped playing their music. All the elves present turned towards him, curious why the music had stopped. Legolas cleared his throat, than began to speak.  
  
"My fellow elves, I have something very important that I feel I must say. You have all been laboring under a delusion for many years, and I must clear things up. I am not in a relationship with the lord Aragorn, nor the lords Elladan or Elrohir, nor even the lord Haldir." Legolas paused to take a breath as the elves tittered amongst themselves over this shocking news. "The reason is because I am not attracted to any of them. And the reason for that is because...I AM NOT GAY! I like women!" The crowd gasped in disbelief. Legolas looked out on them, proud that he had finally cleared things up. Suddenly Elladan himself stood and asked.  
  
"Is this because Aragorn likes Arwen? Legolas denial does not suit you well." Another elf murmured his agreement, and before Legolas could say a word the whole hall was shouting at each other. Some were defending his straightness, while others made pointed arguments about how he was so friendly with Aragorn. Legolas dropped his head and made his way directly to his room before collapsing on his bed. After a few moments Arwen and Aragorn rushed in.  
  
"It didn't work." Legolas said dazed. "I finally told everyone I was straight, and it didn't work." Arwen sat next to him on the bed. "Your poor little thing, let sister Arwen take care of you." She said soothingly while patting him on the head. "Elrond's gotten to her head." Aragorn muttered before sinking into a chair. "You know this just isn't fair!" he continued. "I even stood up and yelled that we weren't gay after you left, and no one listened to me." "We're doomed." Legolas managed to say, with tears in his eyes. Arwen looked at the two of them sitting dejectedly and bit her lip.  
  
"You can't give up! You must just try again. Come up with a better plan Legolas, prove that you're straight." She said. Legolas sat up. "You're right! I'm going to prove it to them. Alright here's the deal. Aragorn you stay close to Arwen, maybe let people catch you putting the moves on her sometimes." "Got it." Aragorn replied, pulling Arwen next to him. Legolas continued "I'll just make sure people see me with some females, doing my thing. It's a foolproof plan, it has to work!"  
  
The next day:  
  
Legolas was walking through the corridor, heading towards the archery fields when he happened to bump into Aradalien. "My lord!" She said shocked. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I heard what you said yesterday, and I'm quite sorry I assumed you were with Aragorn." She bowed her head, apparently to ashamed to look at his face. Legolas smiled, and gently raised her head to look at him. "It's quite alright, many people seem to think that." Aradalien smiled back at him. "I'm so glad you are straight my lord, really." Legolas put his finger to her mouth. "Shhh... no more 'my lords', just call me Legolas." "Legolas..." She breathed before he lowered his mouth to kiss her. At that moment many of the lord elves came around the corner, and witnessed their kissing. Aradalien heard them gasp, and turning bright red quickly fled the scene. Legolas turned and looked innocently at them, before continuing to the fields.  
  
This continued for many days, Legolas being caught kissing some young elf. Most often the members of the council were the ones to find him, but occasionally others managed to as well. Rumors were flying through out Rivendell that Legolas was actually straight. And Legolas smiled, and prepared to reveal the next part of his plan.  
  
Emerald: What do you think? I didn't intend to end it that way. it just happened. I think it's Duo's fault.  
  
Duo: Me!!! Legolas is your muse too! It's probably his fault.  
  
Legolas: Of course not, I'm too cute!  
  
Duo: .....What has the got to do with anything???  
  
Legolas: *shrugs*  
  
Emerald: right.... thanks for reading and please remember to review!!! 


	4. Caught in the act

Disclaimer: Tolkien the book-writing Genius owns all. Well except my plot, but as for that I'm sure he's rolling in his grave, just like my grandpa does every time I go bowling.  
  
Author's Notes: more reviews! Woohoo!! And 2 people added me to their favorite author's lists!!!!! YAY!!! YOU GUYS ROCK!! Also I'd love to thank all the people who reviewed individually, but there's too many people and I'm too lazy. *sighs* however I appreciate all your comments and try to improve my writing each time with your help! But since I need lots of improving... you should probably keep reviewing. =)  
  
Legolas: Is it just me, or is everybody getting sick of your insane notes and the way they drag on forever?  
  
Duo: Hey buddy shuttup! This is the only time I'm mentioned!! *looks sad and pitiful*  
  
Emerald: Legolas...dear... muses inspire, they do not trash the way authors do things.  
  
Duo: They don't? Since when?  
  
Legolas: Could we please move on to the story featuring ME? *sticks tongue out at Duo*  
  
Duo: YOU'RE SO MEAN! *sobs*  
  
Chapter 4  
  
~flashback~ (that was not mentioned before hand but suddenly became important so is mentioned now)  
  
Legolas and Arwen were sitting together outside talking. Legolas sighs. "Arwen, how is it that both of our fathers have been gay for years, and nobody suspects them.. well at least not my father..but I've been totally straight for years and everybody suspects me!?" Arwen looked at Legolas for a minute thoughtfully. "Well, one part is because you're just too damn pretty and sexy. Also, though you've had lots of women nobody ever knows about it. Except me, Aragorn, and Beleglion of course. And as for why nobody suspected our fathers: both of them have been married and had children. Obviously if they have a child they have no qualms about sleeping with a woman." "Yah, I guess you're right Arwen." Here Arwen pointedly stared at Legolas for a moment, until it finally sunk into his head. "And you're a genius!" he suddenly exclaimed before giving her a hug and rushing off.  
  
~end flashback~ (three guesses on why it was important)  
  
All throughout Rivendell a notice was being delivered. However only the females were being gifted with the notice, and they were also being warned not to tell a soul about them. Arwen was sitting outside in her garden, reading her notice and laughing, when Aragorn rushed up. "Did you get one? Were they delivered?" Aragorn asked as soon as he had breath to talk, for he had been running looking for her for some time. "Yes, did you help Legolas write them?" Arwen asked with an amused expression on her face. "Of course! Haldir helped too, he's hoping that if we prove Legolas isn't gay everyone will think Haldir isn't too." Arwen laughed. "Poor Haldir, always being assumed as Legolas' lover, just like you." Aragorn glared at her before asking, "Let me see the notice! I didn't get to see the end result." Arwen unrolled the parchment, which read as follows:  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
LADIES!  
  
Ever found yourself desiring that hot, sexy elf Legolas? Afraid there was no hope what with his apparent attraction to men? Well good news! Not only is this gorgeous sex God straight, but he's offering himself to you for one whole night! That's right, this Friday night, come line up at his chamber for one whole hour of bliss! The only requirement is that if you end up pregnant, you must be willing to surrender the baby to Legolas, or at least agree to raise the child together. If you are willing to meet this, you're entitled to one hour of heaven! Legolas is looking forward to seeing you this Friday night!  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Both Aragorn and Arwen cracked up laughing again. Finally Arwen managed to say in between laughs, "Who wrote most of that, Legolas or Haldir? And what part did you put in?" Aragorn tried to calm down enough to answer. "Well I put in the last two sentences, and Legolas put in the requirement, and Haldir did the rest." Arwen started laughing all over again. "Haldir! Haldir put the hot, sexy elf, and gorgeous sex God?!? I never would of thought!! Where does he get his inspiration?" she said, tears falling from her eyes because of laughing too hard the entire time. Aragorn turned a very nice shade of green before answering. "Do we really want to know about his inspiration?"  
  
Legolas was walking around Rivendell thoughtfully. He had nothing to do until Friday night, when his plan would be put in action. Though he could always go put slugs in the twins beds for still attempting to "court" him... but some random idiot would probably find out and say it was his way of flirting. 'Curses! There goes all my fun for the next 200 years' he thought. At that moment Haldir walked up.  
  
"Legolas! Have you seen the notices? They turned out quite well." He said with a smirk on his face. Legolas blushed.  
  
"Yes I did, and I can't believe what you put on there about me!" Haldir shrugged.  
  
"Hey I just asked some maiden to give me some words to describe you, and that's what she said." Legolas lifted his eyebrow.  
  
"Is that true?" he asked while Haldir nodded enthusiastically. Then Legolas stared off into the sky, a frown visible upon his fine features.  
  
"Do you think it will work Haldir? Do you think people will finally accept the fact that I'm straight when I have a wee child of my own?" Haldir looked thoughtfully at Legolas for a few moments, intending to give his true feelings on the subject and needing to sort them out. Eventually he cleared his throat so Legolas would turn to look at him.  
  
"I think that most will believe it, though a few stubborn people will hold on to the theory that you're inclined towards males. But even if they do, we will be ready to come up with plan after plan, until there is no doubt about your sexual preference. I have sworn to do this, as has Aragorn." A bright smile lit up Legolas' face.  
  
"You are my true friend Haldir." And smiling the two elves embraced, sharing a brief brotherly hug. From behind them they suddenly heard a shriek. Whirling around the two found a small group of elves, apparently walking around the grounds to make use of the fine weather. All were standing with mouths wide open and looked rather faint.  
  
"So it is true!" one exclaimed. "Lord Haldir is your lover, Prince Legolas" They quickly jumped five feet apart. "NO!" they shouted together.  
  
"I was just... congratulating lord Haldir on his new betrothed." Legolas managed to quickly reply.  
  
"Indeed, and I had just asked the prince if he would do me the honor of being my best elf." Haldir concurred. The other elves looked at them suspiciously before moving on. Legolas and Haldir looked at each other before heading off, each afraid that this would not do anything to help quell the rumors flying around at the moment.  
  
And they were justly afraid, for that night at dinner Aragorn overheard many new whisperings of the pair being caught in an intimate embrace. He hurried over to Legolas, believing that it would be wise for him to know what was being said. When he found the golden haired prince, he was chatting up some young maiden. Seeing the panic in Aragorn's eyes, Legolas quickly made an excuse and went to question him. After hearing the news, Legolas dropped to his seat dejectedly.  
  
"I'm just never going to win at this, am I?" he said with a sigh. Aragorn wanted to say some words of comfort or make a small gesture of friendship in the hopes of consoling him, but was afraid new rumors would start about them too. Arwen walked up to them and seeing Legolas looking so glum quickly got the scope from Aragorn. She grabbed Legolas' arm and pulled him out to dance.  
  
"Worry not, my dear friend-brother." She whispered to him as they danced. "Your plan will work on Friday, and when the people see your child they will finally know your heart. Be patient until that day." She continued to whisper helpful advice until the dance ended. Legolas then went back and found the girl he had been talking to earlier and danced with her for awhile. He hoped that his affection for young, beautiful maidens would be enough to soothe his spirits. He particularly liked this young girl, named Lostsulëwen. She was pale and had long black hair and light green eyes. They danced and talked and drank all evening, and when finally he made to retire for the night she came with him. As they were walking towards his chamber a few elves spotted them.  
  
"Ah, the prince fancies a girl now? Who would have known he actually went for females." The first said, shocked.  
  
"Of course he doesn't!" the next exclaimed. "He just likes to switch every few nights from one sex to another, mix things up a bit."  
  
"Oh!" a third one replied. "Doesn't that sound fine." Then they all looked at each other and laughed.  
  
Emerald: Well I'm thinking one more funny chapter, then a short follow up that is more serious. And as for Haldir suddenly having a more important role, I had to give him one after what happened in the movie!!  
  
Legolas: *looks at her suspiciously* you don't like him more than me, do you?  
  
Emerald: Of course not!!  
  
Duo: Uh huh.. Anyways, I'm just 'sposed to add this... A special thanks goes to Urylia, who not only reviewed this story but went and read Emerald's poem too. Not too many people are insane enough to read her poetry.  
  
Emerald: *smacks Duo on the head* I resent that! And yes thank you very much! My poor poem is finally getting some love! And Draco Malfoys Girl, the only other person to read and review, tons of thanks to you too!!!  
  
Legolas: WARNING. None of you should now be tempted to read this poem.. You will be horribly scarred for the rest of your life!  
  
Emerald: *pouts*  
  
Duo: You could go read the stories with me in them though! *smiles angelically* 


	5. Those naughty dark haired elves!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, I just play with them in my sick twisted attempts at writing, which I do purely for my amusement. (trust me, it amuses me to write this stuff) The characters actually belong to Tolkien, except for Duo, but I don't know who he belongs to anyways.....  
  
Author's Notes: Thanks again for reviewing! And I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for not updating sooner! First I was grounded because of my stupid brother, then I was busy 3 weekends in a row for my b-day (I'm 16!! Yay!) and now I have all these finals and projects since schools almost out and the teachers want to get in as much torture as possible. Grr.  
  
Legolas: *looking in mirror and brushing hair* sure.. We believe you're sorry for not giving the readers what they want. *cough* ME *cough*  
  
Duo: *mumbles under breath* vain silly elf. And for your info, Leggy, my dear pal, Emerald was also busy reading x-men fics instead of updating.  
  
Emerald: *blushes beet red as both muses turn to her, one in amusement and one becoming increasingly angry* ummm. I can explain..  
  
Duo: *whispers to Legolas* she likes Pietro better than you!!!  
  
Legolas: YOU BETTER NOT!!! Don't think that just because Duo didn't care when you replaced him with my gorgeous self I'll turn the other cheek if you replace me! You can't write anything without ME.  
  
Duo: I WASN'T REPLACED!!! *turns to Emerald* LET'S GET HIM!!!! *they attack Legolas, all that can be seen is a big ball of dust*  
  
*Haldir pops out of nowhere*  
  
Haldir: Ladies and Gentlemen, please forgive the author and her muses for their childish behavior and enjoy the story! *waves arms around and smiles in a very Vanna-ish manner, while fans shout "Aren't you dead?"* And no, I'm not dead. I'm very much alive. *suddenly stops smiling and shouts* EVIL DIRECTORS CAN'T KEEP ME DOWN!!  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Friday night was approaching, and all over Rivendell young girls could be seen giggling whenever Legolas was around. Meanwhile Legolas, Arwen, Aragorn, and Haldir discussed security methods to make sure only young women that agreed to the requirements in a signed statement would be entering the bedroom. Legolas was in a dream come true, not only would he prove that he was straight, he would be banging beautiful girls all Friday night! It was in this good mood that he wandered around the gardens.  
  
"Prince Legolas!" Legolas turned around to see Beleglion running up to him with a panicky look on his face. 'Damn, and just when I thought nothing could go wrong.' He thought. 'Oh well, better find out what's up and fix it quick' So thinking, he hurried over to Beleglion.  
  
"Legolas, I've just heard the worst news! Elrohir and Elladan have found out about this Friday! They're planning on dressing as girls and sneaking into your chamber, then tying you up and..." Beleglion paused looking slightly nauseous. "Well, let's just say it won't be any fun for you." Instead of looking horrified like he'd expected, Beleglion discovered that Legolas actually seemed intrigued. Before he could start wondering if maybe the prince did fancy one of the handsome twins, Legolas spoke up.  
  
"While I'm indebted to you for this knowledge Beleglion, I have to admit I'm curious. How did you get such in-depth details of their plans?" Legolas watched amusedly while Beleglion's eye started to twitch.  
  
"I don't know what your talking about." He muttered. Legolas grinned.  
  
"Does little Beleglion have some 'special' friend? One that just happens to know things like this? Or instead of a little birdy, does Beleglion just play with the source itself?"  
  
"LEGOLAS!" Beleglion screamed. The look of pure disgust on his face was priceless to the laughing prince. "If you must know, there's this one elf. She's in charge of cleaning their chambers and happened to overhear their plans and... well... umm.. I.."  
  
"You.... have the magic power to read minds?" Legolas suggested helpfully.  
  
"No, I'm, uh, involved with her." Beleglion stated blushing fiercely.  
  
"Well I already realized that!" Beleglion muttered something evil under his breath and idiotic princes. "Now on to the problem of those twins. I will not stand for them to ruin my special night! We need to stop them somehow." Legolas paused for ideas, looking pensive.  
  
"What if we got them in trouble and they got locked in their chambers? That's already happened twice since we've been here, it would be believable." Beleglion recommended, having apparently forgiven Legolas already for his discomfort and wanting to help. The prince's eyes lit up.  
  
"Pure Genius! And I know just the prank to blame on them. it will require the help of your playmate though."  
  
"Of course. I'm sure she'd agree to such a noble cause." Beleglion nodded with approval, opting to ignore the playmate comment.  
  
"And we can't tell a soul, because I'm planning on using Arwen as the victim, and Aragorn would skin us alive if he found out." Legolas shuddered.  
  
"Why Arwen? Wait, I know. It's because the only thing Elrond loves more than his quality time with King Thranduil is his precious daughter." Beleglion said knowingly. The two wandered off to work their mischief.  
  
The next day Arwen went out to walk in the garden. She hummed to herself as she walked, once again Elrond had gotten to her and she was in an insanely cheerful/sisterly mood. The gardens were unusually crowded, but she didn't notice anyone until she caught a flash of brown hair going around the corner. "My brothers!" She squealed happily while chasing after them. Around the corner was the part of the garden with the most flowers, and though beautiful was often avoided because of the large amounts of bees that were there. Arwen could see two brown head ducking around another corner, so without another thought she ran through the section.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" The other elves in the garden jumped horrified at the sound currently assaulting their ears. They followed it to the bee section (as it was known) to see the lady Arwen being chased by a cloud of bees. The elves gaped in wonder instead of helping the poor lady, as unbeknownst to mortals, elves had a deep fear of bees. Arwen meanwhile ran screaming into a shack and locked the door. The cloud of bees hovered at the door for a few minutes before separating and flying away. One brave elf cautiously approached the door.  
  
"My lady? Are you alright?" He questioned. When all he heard from the inside was sobs he quickly sent for another elf to fetch Elrond. In an instant a pink robe bedecked Elrond was there (Thranduil at his side in a matching blue robe).  
  
"Arwen! My angelic daughter, are you hurt?" There was no reply except for some slight mumbling. Elrond turned to his lover with a pleading look. Thranduil nodded in agreement. "Arwen, darling, move away from the door." Elrond said firmly. A minute later the door was kicked in by Thranduil.  
  
"Father! Don't let them in!" Arwen cried out. She glanced around him terrified, expecting the bees to reappear at any given moment. Elrond shut the door quickly after letting himself and Thranduil in. The rest of the elves gathered at the windows, trying to see what was going on. Arwen was a wreck. Elrond sighed and sat next to her, reaching out to rub her back comfortingly. "It was horrible, Father. I was following Elrohir and Elladan when they just attacked me. I wasn't doing anything!"  
  
"It's ok now precious." Elrond said soothingly. He froze, then withdrew his hand from her back. Arwen watched terrified that he might have found a bee. Instead, covering his hand was some yellow substance. Elrond frowned the sniffed it. His look of curiosity was quickly replaced with one of rage. "THIS IS MORNING HONEY!!!" He roared. The elves at the window (and Thranduil, still in his matching robe) gasped. Morning honey was an outlawed substance. It was the honey of the morning flower, which only bloomed in the morning hence the name. Bees were attracted to morning honey like teenagers to sex.  
  
"But how did that get there?" Arwen asked confused. "I've never worn this dress around morning honey. In fact, I've never worn it before at all. A servant sent it to me this morning, said it was a present from my dear Aragorn."  
  
The rest of the elves suddenly looked each other knowingly. There were only three people that would send something in Aragorn's name, and Aragorn wouldn't be trying to get his lover killed. Elrond was thinking the same thoughts. "Arwen, you said you were following you brothers through the garden when this happened?"  
  
"Yes." Arwen looked up quizzically, her innocence preventing her from realizing what had happened.  
  
"ELLADAN!!!! ELROHIR!!!!!! YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!!!!!" Elrond roared.  
  
Later that day Rivendell's favorite (though not at the moment) twins were standing in front of Elrond, looking confused. Elrond was pacing in front of them with a jar of morning honey in his hand, and a very distraught Arwen was in the corner being comforted by Aragorn.  
  
"Don't deny it!" Elrond snapped. "Not only was this jar found in your chamber, Elladan, but you two are the only elves alive that would be insensitive enough to subject their sister to that kind of torture." Behind the door slight snickering could be heard, but no one paid any attention. "What were you thinking?" Elrond turned with a flounce towards his disobedient children. They opened their mouths to protest.  
  
"Don't." A low growl from behind stopped them. Thranduil was glaring at them evilly. "Not a word. I don't want to hear you lying to your father. Have you no respect?" The twins didn't bother to answer, they could tell that if they did their heads would be chopped off. Though furious at the possibility of punishment, they did find the whole situation hysterical. At the moment they were wondering why they had never though of this prank.  
  
Behind the door Beleglion and Legolas continued to snicker. They stopped suddenly when someone cleared their throat.  
  
"Having fun?" Haldir questioned with a smirk. He watched amused as the two grown elves panicked. 'Just like little kids.' He thought. All of a sudden he was dragged over besides them.  
  
"Shh, we'll explain later." Legolas hushed him. When Haldir gave him a look he continued. "They're about to receive their punishment! We need to know what it is." Haldir shrugged and stood quietly. Inside they room they could hear Elrond sigh.  
  
"I guess I'll need to punish you again." He stopped and thought for a moment. "You are both grounded from all the pre-wedding feasts this week. Maybe that will teach you a lesson." A loud groan could be heard through the door. Thranduil yanked it open for Legolas, Haldir, and Beleglion to come tumbling into the room. "Did you boys have an opinion on this?" Elrond questioned, bemused.  
  
"Yes!" Legolas stood up and dusted himself off before continuing. "They should have harsher punishments! Look at what they did to my beloved friend- going-to-be-sister." He marched over to Arwen and held her possessively, freaking Aragorn (scared that Elrond's mushiness was becoming contagious and hoping not to catch it) and Beleglion out with how sincere he seemed.  
  
"I understand, Legolas. But that's enough punishment for now." Elrond paused and looked at him all misty-eyed. "It's so adorable how close you two are already! Family hug!" He quickly pulled Arwen, Legolas, Thranduil, Elladan, Elrohir, and after a second's though Aragorn, into a huge bear hug. Beleglion and Haldir watched from the floor after exchanging terrified glances. Once released Legolas hauled them up and stormed back to his chambers.  
  
"Grr! How could he go so easy on them!" he ranted. Beleglion quickly filled Haldir in on what was going on. "We'll just have to try something else." Legolas grinned mischievously.  
  
The next day another feast was being prepared to celebrate the engagement. There would be feasts every day for the next 3 weeks, when Thranduil would take the blushing Elrond as his husband. There were many cooks in the kitchen preparing food. One was working on a soup. 'This will be delicious!' the cook thought in delight. She looked up to grab another ingredient when she saw a brown haired elf add something to her soup. "Get away from there!" She cried in indignation. The elf answered without turning around.  
  
"Secret ingredient. Dad's favorite. Gotta run." Then he sped off, another brown haired elf following. The cook bit her lip. She didn't like the thought of there being something odd in her soup, but she had heard that the lord Elrond had two sons (she's new, or else she would have heard a lot more about his sons). Eventually she just kept it in there. She didn't have time to make a whole new batch of soup and figured whatever it was couldn't be that horrible.  
  
At the feast that night Haldir, Legolas, and Beleglion seemed to be preoccupied with watching everyone else eating. They had the good sense to keep Arwen and Aragorn busy instead of eating. Every time one of them would start heading the food towards their mouth, one of them would make a smart comment that would cause them to laugh and forget their food. The planned worked until finally Arwen ignored them and spooned up some soup. She sniffed it appreciably.  
  
"Mmm! This smells delicious!" She said happily. Before they could stop her the spoon was heading into her mouth. Luck was with them tonight. At that moment Thranduil let out an enormous belch. Silence reigned as the entire hall stared at him in amazement. Thranduil went red with embarrassment at his lack of protocol. He was saved from his guilt filled thoughts by Elrond farting loudly. Such was the silence of the room that every elf present heard. Now the crowd stared at him in wonder. Across the hall another elf suddenly burped. One by one every elf started burping or farting. In only a few moments this led to every elf running from the room. Their problems had worsened, and all needed to find a bathroom, though for reasons involving two different areas of the body.  
  
"What's happening!?!" Aragorn gasped. Legolas and Haldir fought the urge to laugh when Beleglion replied.  
  
"Maybe they ate a little too much." He looked completely calm. Legolas and Haldir couldn't manage the poker face and tried to match the expressions of confusion on Arwen's and Aragorn's faces. "Perhaps we should retire." Beleglion suggested.  
  
In Elrond's study the next day Elladan and Elrohir were once again being lectured to. The difference was that this time it was Thranduil yelling at them. Elrond was still confined to his bed (poor man had four bowels of soup!).  
  
"But it wasn't us!" Elrohir declared venomously for the millionth time that morning. "Yeah!" Elladan concurred.  
  
"Ha! Like I believe you." Thranduil snorted derisively. "You two had the motive; not being allowed to go, the time; you weren't confined to your rooms like usual, and the means; this bottle was found in your bedroom, Elrohir. The cook identified it as the one that was poured into the soup. Which you are also in trouble for traumatizing that poor woman! She nearly had a heart attack when she found at what happened when people ate her soup!" Thranduil paused to wince at the memory of the effects. "So now I'm in charge of punishing you."  
  
"But we really didn't do it!" Elrohir said angrily. "Why aren't you suspicious of your own son anyways, we heard he didn't eat a drop of soup and that's one of his favorite things!"  
  
"Because he's MY son and knows better! Plus he has an alibi, he was with Arwen and Aragorn at the time the cook spotted you in the kitchen. They were busy working on a wedding present for me and my darling, sweetie Elrond." Thranduil paused again, but this time to look all proud and gushy and wipe away the tears at his eyes. Outside the door, Aragorn started to scream in fright before having his mouth covered by three sets of hands. He knew Elrond's sentimental overkill was contagious! Legolas glared at him. They had let Arwen and Aragorn spy with them because they loved watching the twins get in trouble.  
  
"Aragorn if you let them know we're here I swear I'll never let you spy again!" He hissed angrily, already making a mental note to discontinue including Aragorn when eavesdropping important conversations. Back in the rooms Thranduil started talking again.  
  
"And the most important reason I don't suspect Legolas, the cook saw two boys with brown hair. Legolas is blond. So you two are grounded to your chambers for a week! Report there immediately, the guards will come to you doors later." Haldir, Beleglion, and Legolas exchanged proud smirks. With guards at the door the twins would never be able to escape Friday.  
  
"Yes sir." The twins said in defeat as they left the room. They almost ran over the group at the door, who all quickly stood up and looked around nonchalantly.  
  
"Tough luck." Legolas said in a sympathetic voice. Elladan went to reply when he felt Elrohir nudge him. He followed his gaze to Haldir and Beleglion. They were both looking at the twins compassionately. Elladan could tell that wasn't what Elrohir wanted him to see. Lowering his gaze somewhat, he could make out objects they were both trying to hide behind their backs. Suddenly furious, he grunted a reply than ran off with Elrohir right behind him. Once they were out of the groups hearing he exploded.  
  
"Did you see that! Brown wigs! They've been setting us up all along!" Elladan growled. Elrohir just laughed.  
  
"Oh that Legolas is a tricky one! He must have found out about our plan Friday." He glanced at Elladan, and in a weird, twin way they made the mental connection of how. 'Must be a servant, someone who can get in and out and leave objects in our rooms' They thought simultaneously. Elrohir cackled evilly. "Oh but our little princey won't be getting the last laugh!"  
  
Emerald: Do I really need to explain that "this" is speech and 'this' is thoughts? No? Good! *has a black eye and ripped clothing*  
  
Legolas: *shivering in fear, sporting a bloody lip and many scratch marks on his arms* they're going to hurt me. I can tell...  
  
Duo: *braid falling apart and a huge bruise on his cheek* cheer up Leggy, Emerald and me won the fight, you won't get hurt too much.  
  
Emerald: *nods enthusiastically* right! *jumps up and down waving arms* OK I NEED THE READERS ATTENTION NOW!!! SHOULD I END THIS IN A FUNNY WAY, A SERIOUS WAY, OR DO 2 DIFFERENT ENDINGS!?!?!!? YOUR VOTE COUNTS! VOTE NOW FOR WHAT YOU WANT!!!! SCHOOL'S OUT IN 9 DAYS AND I WANNA FINISH THIS STORY!!!  
  
Duo: *sobs* why. don't you love us anymore??? *does puppy dog face*  
  
Legolas: *stops preening and does puppy dog face too* I promise to be nice!  
  
Emerald: *in baby voice* I still wuv yous!!! *hugs* I just want to finish this story! Then Duo, maybe we can finish the others!!! 


	6. Early Friday Night

Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters from Lord of the Rings (or Duo) because otherwise Legolas would be my willing sex slave, which he isn't. WHY NOT GOD?? WHY CAN'T HE BE MINE???? ..plus, then I would have the money for the mental therapy I think I need. C'mon people, you're reading this stuff, obviously I'm not getting it!!!  
  
Author's Notes: Yeah. I haven't updated. The thing is that, in case you haven't noticed, this is a humorous fic.  
  
Duo: No really! You think?  
  
Legolas: I never would have guessed..  
  
Emerald: Hello! Focus! I'm being serious here!  
  
Duo & Legolas: *fall over in shock*  
  
Emerald: *rolls eyes* anyways, I recently found out that a good friend of mine had moved on to better places. *looks up pointedly at the sky* so I waited awhile before working on this as I wasn't in a very comedic mood.  
  
Duo: *pats her on the back before speaking* luckily for you, I'm the master of funny!  
  
Legolas: and I'm gorgeous! Plus Emerald's in denial.  
  
Duo: so this may still turn out a good chapter!!!  
  
Emerald: Oh yah. I'm feeling the love over here..  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Friday afternoon male elves everywhere were left alone in confusion. Every single female elf had locked themselves in their chambers to 'prepare'. For what? Most of the males didn't know. The exceptions being two small groups of devious males, whom were also currently preparing.  
  
"Alright, the twins are locked up, but we have other safety measures to make sure no males are getting through. Right??" Legolas looked worriedly at the others.  
  
"Correct, Prince. At the sign-in table that Aragorn and Haldir will be manning, we will send any suspicious elves to Arwen, who if all else fails can check for necessary body parts." Beleglion managed to not blush when he said this, but it was close.  
  
"Plus Beleglion we be standing in front of your door as guard, so they still we have to convince him!" Arwen added helpfully. Besides her Haldir was staring wistfully off into space.  
  
"Why can't I be the person checking for necessary body parts? It's not fair. I only get to watch them fill out paperwork." He said mournfully.  
  
"Cheer up, Haldir." Aragorn piped up. "They'll all be wearing really scandalous outfits to impress Leggy, so they'll probably be low cut. Thus when they lean over to sign the papers...." He paused to grin and wink. "So we did get a good job!"  
  
Legolas smacked himself on the forehead. "Aragorn, you idiot! Arwen is standing right here!!!"  
  
Aragorn turned to Arwen with an expression of dawning horror. "Oh yeah.."  
  
"ARAGORN!" She screamed, enraged. "HOW COULD YOU??? YOU'RE SUCH A STUPID JERK, AND AN ASSHOLE!!" She grabbed his arm and started pulling him off somewhere, screaming obscenities the whole time.  
  
Haldir smiled brightly. "He's right though! Excellent. I can't wait till tonight."  
  
Beleglion sighed in frustration. "You are all impossible. And totally unaware of your surroundings, otherwise Aragorn would have been a little more discreet." He rolled his eyes. "I mean honestly, Arwen had just spoken not 5 seconds ago!"  
  
Legolas chuckled. "He probably wasn't even listening to the conversation. To busy fantasying about god knows what. Just like Haldir." He pointed to the distracted elf.  
  
"And maybe, I can keep pulling the sheet closer to me, so they have to lean over farther, and farther, and farther. And those sheets make them write down lots of vital information, which will then be at my disposal." He laughed evilly.  
  
Beleglion just shook his head sadly. "I give up. Oh, Legolas, by the way. I was talking to. err.. my ~friend~ the other day and she informed me that the twins seem to be planning some horrible thing to do to you once their allowed out again."  
  
"Figures." Legolas muttered. He opened his mouth to speak again when Aragorn walked back up, sporting several new smack marks on his face.  
  
"You know she can hit pretty hard for a girl!" He frowned. "But at least she's not mad. I convinced her that I was only trying to be supportive of Haldir while he was depressed about his lack of body searching, and I had no interest whatsoever in the bodies of other females."  
  
The other three snorted derisively at this obvious lie. "So where'd she go then?" Beleglion questioned.  
  
"Oh, to talk to Elrond. She's making up some excuse for all of us not showing up at the feast and stuff tonight, and some reason that people shouldn't be going to the hallway where Legolas' bedroom is." Legolas nodded with approval.  
  
"Excellent. Everything is going to plan..." he stopped and laughed evilly. "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The others just looked at him strangely. He noticed their staring and stopped mid maniacal chuckle. "Right then. let's uhh.... go finish setting up the sign-in table."  
  
In the twin's room:  
  
Elrohir anxiously paced back and forth. "Where are they? They're late, and they're never late. Something might be wrong, and we can't go and find out what it is!" Elladan was sitting calmly on a big plushy chair. They were the only two present in the room for the moment, having sent all the servants to wait outside.  
  
"Don't fret, Elrohir. It won't help anyone." He paused a minute to see if anyone was around before continuing. "Besides, if they're late it's probably because they've found more information for us."  
  
As if this was some sort of cue, suddenly voices could be heard at the door, arguing with the guards to be let in. The door soon opened to reveal two figures dressed all in black, with even black veils covering their faces. The clothes did nothing to hide their distinctly obvious feminine figures.  
  
"Sorry we're late." The shorter of the two figures spoke. "But we have some information about tonight that could be useful to you. Those fools are so unaware of their surroundings, in particular the people surrounding them, that's it's laughable." The speaker then handed a stack of papers to Elrohir. He scanned through them quickly before smiling devilishly and handing them to the now risen Elladan.  
  
"This is perfect, ladies. May I once again complement you on your excellent work." He remarked. The figures bowed in response. "That is all for the moment. You may let the servants back in on your way out. We will be requiring your services later, perhaps. So prepare yourselves for a message from us." With another bow the figures left.  
  
"Well, Elladan, this is certainly interesting information." Elrohir remarked casually as the maids began to filter back into the room. "I can't believe our dear little Princey would go through all this trouble just to prove a point. And to put his friends to work for his own purposes! Honestly." He shook his head sadly in a disapproving manner.  
  
"If it was hard work, we would pity them." Elladan looked thoughtful. "However, this seems to be an enjoyable task for them, by all means. Aragorn and Haldir chatting up the ladies at the first desk, and Beleglion must be personally convinced that each lady IS a lady before they can even enter. I'm sure we both know what means he may use to do so." Here Elladan turned to his brother with an obvious wink. Across the room one of the maids gasped sharply, then continued her work like nothing had happened.  
  
"I follow you, Brother. I think Leggy will not be the only one having some fun tonight!" Elrohir burst into laughter before continuing. "It is sad that we will not be joining in, no? Perhaps we should send one of the guards for our own special ladies..." Elladan smiled at the comment.  
  
"Perchance we will. But worry not my most devious sibling, for we shall have our fair share of justice upon the young prince." Matching smirks crossed the faces of the twins. "If only we were not locked up in these chambers at the moment."  
  
Elrohir sighed with longing. "If only.... But you're right. Our chance will come. And right when Legolas least expects it. But tonight, him and his friends make merry." He then paused and spoke his next words slowly, as if carefully considering them. "I wouldn't be surprised if at least one engagement came out of tonight's revels. Aragorn and Arwen being excluded on the grounds of already being a serious couple, that leaves Haldir, Legolas, and Beleglion. The prince will marry whoever bears his child most likely, and Haldir has sworn to marry a maiden of Lothlorien. Beleglion has no such obligations though."  
  
Elladan nodded thoughtfully. "It's true. I wouldn't be surprised if he did find himself a girl out of this mess. Or maybe two... or three..." Both of them laughed this time drowning out the noise of what sounded like a sob from the maid in the corner. But certain ears were listening for such a thing, and still heard.  
  
The twins continued chatting until one of the maids (guess which one..) approached them. "My lords," She began with a curtsy. "Would it be alright if I leave early tonight? I have certain matters that need attending to." Elladan regarded her carefully.  
  
"I suppose." he answered reluctantly. "If you feel you must. We would never wish to delay you if this was an urgent matter."  
  
"Oh it is urgent, my lords. And thank you so much!" The maid curtsied again with gratitude before rushing off. She left in such a hurry that she missed the looks of satisfaction that marked their faces.  
  
"Ladies, this room seems spotless!" Elrohir turned to the other maids left in the room. "You may also leave early tonight, as we don't wish to play favorites." The maids in the room started gushing out thankful replies before being interrupted. "Will one of you kindly inform our lovely sister, Arwen that we wish to speak to her as soon as possible? For we are so lonely being locked up here in our chambers, with nothing to do and no one to speak with.." The maids were already flustered by the surprised early dismissal, and weren't prepared to deal with twin puppy faces. They couldn't help but agree, and left to search out Arwen.  
  
It wasn't long after the maids had all left that Arwen entered the twins' bedroom. Both were staring intently outside, where the sky was turning dark, thus marking that it was now officially Friday night.  
  
"You wished to see me, dearest brothers?" Arwen asked sweetly. She seemed to have completely forgotten that these were the two (supposed) to have caused her to be attacked by bees. It was little wonder that she was so often the receiver of pranks in that household.  
  
"Well, yes, actually. You see baby sister, we are so lonely up here. It's just the two of us, no one else around." Elladan managed to look deeply depressed. Arwen was in a particularly sisterly mood (remember? She was just talking to Elrond a little while ago. Aragorn's right. it's spreading. RUN FOR THE HILLS!) and walked over to give him a hug. Unfortunately, not only did Elladan's arms surround her, but a rope did too. Before Arwen could scream she found herself tied up and gagged.  
  
"I'm soooooooooo sorry for doing this Sister! It's just Aragorn has a new game he wants to play with you, and he asked us to do this task for him. Please forgive us." Elladan now looked innocent and still give her the puppy dog look. Elrohir stood to the side watching. After all, he wasn't the actor of the family. "Now I'm going to blindfold you. You can't see what's going on, that's another part of the game. Don't worry." So saying he blindfolded her and walked to the farther window. There was a guard outside each one, but the one for this window was missing. In his place was another elf hidden in black robes, who took Arwen and quickly left.  
  
Elrohir then walked to the door and knocked. One of the guards stuck his head in at once. "Yes, my lord?" He asked suspiciously.  
  
"Would you please deliver a message to these ladies for me?" He asked as sweetly as possible while handing the guard a slip of paper. "And tell them to wear their tallest shoes, as we will be having an interesting party in here. Oh, and also to prepare one of our mutual friends at the place."  
  
"Yes, of course, my lord." The guard willingly complied, believing that this had something to do with the rumored strange sexual fetishes of the twins. He really didn't want to question more and learn something better left unsaid. Quickly he ran off, shutting the door tightly behind him while leaving the other guard in charge.  
  
Inside the room Elrohir turned to Elladan. "This is working wonderfully. We will soon have OUR revenge!"  
  
Emerald: Ok, I'm sorry this is so short and late, but I wanted to get something up before I left for camp, since I'm going to be gone for 2 weeks. And they DEFINATLY do NOT have any computers!!!  
  
Duo: *groans* she kept us up all night just so she could give you guys this chapter. YOU BETTER BE HAPPY!  
  
Legolas: *glares evilly at the audience* I agree! This is all your fault! It's 2:30 am over here! I'm tired.  
  
Duo: Do you think we should charge overtime?  
  
Emerald: I don't know what you guys are complaining about. I have to leave by 8 in the morning!!! I'm getting no sleep here!  
  
Legolas: All you ever do is whine or make excuses. well ~I'M~ going to do something USEFUL. *clears throat* REMEMBER TO VOTE PEOPLE! THE FASTER SHE DECIDES HOW TO END IT THE FASTER SHE WILL!!!!!!  
  
Duo: *nods approvingly* finally, someone's taking some action around here! Yes, DO VOTE! The choices are again, funny ending, sorta serious ending *pauses* which probably will be nicer to you Legolas.. *pauses again before continuing* two different endings consisting of the above, or we could just combine those options into one ending!  
  
Emerald: I don't remember a combination being an option!  
  
Legolas: Who cares? We're the muses, we're in charge!  
  
Emerald: *pouts* well vote now! I'll start working on the ending as soon as I return! There may be one more tie in chapter though. *sighs* unfortunately. Well, we'll just have to wait and see! 


	7. A little bit of fun for everyone! unfort...

Disclaimer: OK, if I owned Lord of the Rings, do you really think we'd still have to wait till December to see the next movie? NOOOO!!!!! WE'D BE SEEING IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! So. in short. the only thing I own is me, myself, the special edition DVD, my sanity, and the plot of this story. Wow. besides the DVD... that's pathetic! =(  
  
Author's Notes: Not only was I away at camps that do not believe in sleep for 2 weeks in a row, but then right after that our (me and my evil brother's) friend Chris came up for a week, and after we drove all the way down to drop him off and then drove all the way back (like over 3 hour drive one way, and that's with going at an insane speed) Monday I WORKED EVERY DAY LAST WEEK!! *sobs*. So yesterday was Sunday. I'm thinking.. FINALLY I'm going to get some sleep. NO! I went to see Freddy vs. Jason with my friend and so guess how much sleep I got last night? MAYBE 3 HOURS TOPS!  
  
Duo: *shakes head sadly* it's not our fault you're insanely afraid of things.  
  
Legolas: And that you have the stupid rule "If I don't sleep I don't write". *rolls eyes* honestly!  
  
Emerald: shuttup! *yawns* I'm too tired to do this right now!  
  
Duo: oh god. I can see it now. this chapter is gonna be sooooo cruel and evil since she's tired!! *smiles evilly* poor Leggy. Hehehe.  
  
Legolas: *shudders* save me. *looks pleadingly at readers* Oh, and a word of advice. ReREAD CHAPTER 6! Or you might be confused. Actually.. *looks thoughtful* you'll probably be confused anyways.......  
  
Chapter 7  
  
The maid from the twins' chamber hurried through the halls. She knew that the girls would already be arriving at Legolas' door, and she wanted to get there before too many got through. She was switching between being furious with the twins' words about Beleglion to being horribly depressed at the possibility of them being true. Finally she arrived in the designated hallway. She could see Aragorn and Haldir sitting at a table with beautiful elves surrounding them. Haldir looked like he'd gone to heaven but Aragorn looked worried and kept glancing around, looking for someone. The maid quickly sneaked around them to the door where Beleglion was keeping watch.  
  
"Clarea!" He exclaimed once he saw her. "What are you doing here!?!" Beleglion's heart dropped into his stomach. 'Does she secretly want to sleep with Legolas????'  
  
"Making sure you don't get any! I don't care if the twins are dirty perverted bisexual pigs, they could be right! We are leaving this area NOW." She stood tall and glared at him. It was clear to all that she had laid down the law, and if he didn't agree with the terms, he was a dead man.  
  
"Umm.. ok." Beleglion blinked in confusion. "But you see I promised Legolas I'd help him out. You were the one that told me the twins were planning to dress up as girls! I'm just making sure that doesn't happen!"  
  
"The twins are locked in their chamber with guards at every door and window. They are not getting out." She changed her approach suddenly from jealous, possessive woman to seductive, horny woman. "Please, Beleglion. If you come with me now. I'll make it worth your while. If not, I can just find somebody else..." She turned and shrugged. Now Beleglion was faced with a choice. Help his friend, or go potentially have sex.  
  
"Well.. Uh.." He paused to think for a moment. "OK! Let's go!!" And so Beleglion made the decision any guy would make, and quickly exited the scene with his lover. Neither Aragorn nor Haldir noticed. Aragorn was busy checking for Arwen, who was suspiciously late, and Haldir was too busy checking out the ladies.  
  
'Where is Arwen? She should have been back from talking to Elrond hours ago! What could have happened to her? Is she still mad about that incident earlier because I thought I convinced her it was all a misunderstanding? Maybe she is still mad, and will be withholding things! Oh no!' Aragorn was so distracted by his frightening thoughts (for him anyways) that he didn't even notice the elf creep up besides him till she spoke. "Sir?"  
  
"AHHH!!" Aragorn screamed while jumping out of his chair. He quickly turned and tried to grab his sword before noticing it was a just a servant. "Oh.. ummm... yes? Can I help you?" He said calmly while trying to hide his blushing. Haldir and all the elves around were staring at him.  
  
"Sir, can we please speak in private?" The servant asked cautiously, not wishing to cause another outburst. Aragorn quickly nodded and pulled her off to the side.  
  
"Yes? What do you wish to speak to me about?" He looked curious. The young maid bowed and handed him a note.  
  
"The Lady Arwen asked that I deliver this to you. She said that only you could read it, and the contents must be kept completely secret." Aragorn opened the note and read:  
  
Dearest Lover,  
  
My affection for you shines as brightly and eternally as the stars. In honor of this, I wish to introduce a new game for our pleasure. You are my knight in shining armor, and so it shall be played. I am waiting for you, held captive, in our special room. Come rescue me, and claim your award.  
  
Yours Forever,  
  
Arwen  
  
Aragorn smiled wickedly. His games with Arwen were her idea, and were designed around her fantasies. Few were his own concoctions. This one however sounded like something he would particularly enjoy. He loved being the brave knight saving his lady love. But he had promised Legolas he'd help out...... The maid had been carefully observing his reactions, and chose this time to speak.  
  
"Are you not going, Sir? Shall I go inform the Lady that you are otherwise occupied with these females?" Aragorn visibly winced. He could only imagine Arwen's reaction to a statement like that.  
  
"No, but wait here a minute before you go to give my reply." Aragorn rushed back over to Haldir's side. "Haldir, dear friend, you can handle these girls by yourself? Right? You wouldn't really mind if I left?" Haldir managed to take his eyes off the girl in front of him to reply.  
  
"Sure, I'm doing great. You run off now, me and Beleglion can handle it." Aragorn quickly expressed his eternal gratitude before heading back over to the maid, who had been watching their conversation with great interest.  
  
"Alright, I will go reply to my Lady's summons myself. Go burn this note that was entrusted to you, and have the rest of the night off!" Aragorn then ran off. Now it was the maid's turn to smile wickedly. She noticed that besides herself, no one seemed to see that Beleglion was missing. She then headed straight over to the twins' chambers. The guards let her in without complaint.  
  
"My lords! It is done!" She exclaimed upon entering. "You were right, one of the maids and Beleglion must have relations, for he was definitely missing when I arrived." Elladan laughed.  
  
"Perfect! And no one noticed?" The young girl shook her head. "Excellent. And you presented Aragorn with the note?" This time she shook her head in the affirmative.  
  
"You know dear brother," Elrohir began. "it is way too easy to copy our sister's handwriting. Perchance someone should mention this to her?" He smirked. "Perchance not, after all, we do use it to our advantage." The threesome laughed, before a knock at the door announced another arrival.  
  
The ladies entering were the same from earlier that day, but now it could be noticed that the were both taller, and the same exact height. They were still robed all in black, with the veils covering their faces. The maid smirked at them. "I'll leave you all to prepare, and make sure that our friend is ready. Good luck!" With that she left.  
  
Elrohir strolled over to the figures. "Ladies, once again you present us with you greatest work. We are in you debt." He bowed before rising to his regular height again, which it might be noted was now the same height as the two figures.  
  
"Indeed." Elladan agreed. "We would be able to achieve nothing without your fine efforts. You are the most perfect of our assorted minions. And now dear Prince Legolas, you should be very afraid.."  
  
~Some time later~  
  
The guards at the twins' door were trying very hard to lose all their hearing. Ever since the girls dressed all in black had arrived, very peculiar noises had been erupting from said room. The both breathed a sigh of relief as it suddenly seemed to quiet. The door then opened, and the two figures emerged. Before either guard could say a word, they ran off.  
  
"Where do you think they're going so fast?" The first questioned.  
  
"I don't know. But every female around has been rushing off in that direction all night. There must be some huge party down there."  
  
The guard looked confused. "Isn't that just the nice guest chambers though?"  
  
~Back in the hallway where exists the chamber of Legolas~  
  
"Alright Ladies, now sign your names here, and here, and don't forget here. Make sure you fill out the correct information. And remember who decides who's next in line!" Here Haldir leaned back smugly. He had found that once he mentioned that tidbit, the women became extremely partial to him.  
  
"My, aren't you handsome." Someone purred. Haldir looked up to see an extremely beautiful elf leaning over the table towards him. She had long blond hair, light green eyes, and a delicate face. "I don't know why all these girls are here for that Prince, when there's such a tempting morsel like you around." She stopped to lick her lips suggestively. Haldir nearly fell out of his chair.  
  
"Can. uh. I. help you with. uh. something?" He stammered. The elf smiled devilishly at him while Haldir's mouth dropped open.  
  
"What's the matter, cutie? Cat got your tongue?" She leaned across the and teasingly bit his tongue. This time he did fall out of the chair. While he tried to get back up casually, two elves dressed all in black snuck around the table and got to the front of the line at Legolas' door. No one noticed, all were watching Haldir and the mysterious elf. Haldir sat back down and exhaled slowly.  
  
"Are you here for the 30 minutes with Prince Legolas?" He asked sadly. The girl's eyebrows shot up in confusion. "I thought it was supposed to be for an hour?" Haldir continued, still sounding deeply depressed.  
  
"It was, but there's too many girls. Now you just need to fill out these forms.." He was shocked when the girl suddenly laughed.  
  
"Why would I want to sleep with that snotty prince, when I can have you?" She gazed deeply into his eyes, working her seductive charm completely. "You wouldn't mind horribly, would you? If we. went off and talked somewhere private?"  
  
Haldir's mouth was hanging open many moments before he managed to form a coherent thought. "No! Not at all! Let's go!!!!!!!" He practically dragged the poor girl down the hall before rushing back over. "You girls! Stay in line, fill out the little forms, and tell Beleglion at the door that I'll be back in a few minutes." The grinning seductress leaned over and whispered in his ear. "SCREW THAT! I'll be back in a couple days!!!!!!"  
  
The occupants of the hallway watched as they hurried off to Haldir's chamber. They all looked over at Legolas' door. There was no other guard there for them to give the message to. Shrugging, they went back to primping or filling out the required papers. At the front of the line the two dark figures turned to each other.  
  
"Perfect. Now all we need is our dear Prince.."  
  
After waiting for what seemed like forever, a blond, giggly elf maiden walked out of the room. "Like, I just want to say to like, everyone, OH MY GOD!" She giggled again. "Just trust me, the waiting is worth it! Now, who's next?" The two figures in black raised their hands. "Oh! Are you going together?" They nodded frantically. The blond shrugged. "Kinky. Alright, have fun!" With a very obvious wink at the group, she skipped off.  
  
Slowly the two entered the room and locked the door. They looked around the room, finally spotting Legolas lying naked.. ~ES: OMG!! *drools and faints*~ ..on the bed. "Hello ladies." He said cheerfully. "If you'd just undress we'll get right to it. After all, there's a very long line out there."  
  
"Of course, my Prince." The first figure answered in a very masculine voice. Legolas shot them a strange look, but didn't comment. After all, the whole system was set up to prevent any strange occurrences. Unfortunately for dear Legolas, just as he had managed to convince himself of that fact, the elves threw off the veils and cloaks.  
  
"What!! How... I don't understand!" He yelped as he jumped up, trying to gather something to cover himself. Elladan and Elrohir both smirked and started stalking forwards, reaching into their robes to pull out two matching ropes. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Meanwhile in the chamber Beleglion and the maid had rushed off to:  
  
"Wow." Clarea sighed. They were lying on the bed entangled in the sheets. Beleglion couldn't prevent the smirk starting on his face at that statement. "I am so glad the twins let me off early. In fact, I'm glad they're dirty minded pigs. If they hadn't said those things, I never would have come and gotten you." She commented. Beleglion sat up, puzzled.  
  
"What things?" Now that everything was over, he was starting to worry. The twins had never let their servants off early before in the history of their lives.  
  
"Oh they were just joking around how you'd be checking out the girls that night. You know, since they had to convince you that they were actually females to be allowed to enter the room. They were just saying that you'd probably end up engaged to one of them and stuff like that." She shrugged. Obviously the topic didn't mean much to her now. Beleglion however, was very worried.  
  
"You mean they knew how our setup for tonight worked? They knew my position and everything?" This wasn't sitting well with him. The twins were locked in their room night and day for the past week. They shouldn't have had access to that kind of information.  
  
"Well, yeah. They were saying how Haldir and Aragorn were at the front desk and such too. Some ladies in black had come to the room before we were allowed back in to clean, and gave them something. It wasn't important. They said they'd probably be sending for some more of their ladies tonight." She stared at Beleglion, confused about why this was suddenly an issue.  
  
"Damn it!" He hit his head. "They must have figured out that you were working for us. Oh they're crafty... We need to go help Legolas. NOW." So saying he jumped out of bed and started dressing quickly. Clarea followed his example after being glared at for not moving. As soon as they were dressed, they ran to Legolas' chamber.  
  
At Aragorn's and Arwen's "special room":  
  
"Aragorn, you continually surprise me. And that is very difficult to do to an elf!" Arwen stated in a very satisfied voice. Aragorn chuckled.  
  
"I'll take that as a high complement." Arwen gazed at him lovingly. "Well you should! However did you come up with this new game?" Aragorn grew very still, and turned white.  
  
"The note said this game was your idea, Arwen." He mentally cursed as she replied. "Well that's silly! I didn't write a note! I didn't have time, as soon as I was summoned to my brothers' room I was tied up and they explained it to me! They said it was your idea."  
  
Both of them sat up and screamed "THEY'RE AFTER LEGOLAS!" Quick as lightning they wrapped sheets around themselves and ran for his chamber. 'I only pray we're not too late.' Aragorn thought.  
  
Back at the room Haldir and the mysterious women rushed off to: (are you noticing a trend?)  
  
The young woman sighed happily from her position in Haldir's arms. "If I had known you were this good, I would have done it for free." She giggled. "Of course it seemed like I was ripping them off in the first place, since you were my secret fantasy, but hey, if they want to pay me that's fine with me."  
  
"Oh?" Haldir raised an eyebrow. "Who paid you?" He didn't really care. After all, he had made sure that she would never forget this night.  
  
"The twins. I'm one of their 'minions', unfortunately. They have some blackmail on me. But when they offered this job and the payment, I was so excited! You look like a sex God, and apparently appearances are to be believed." She smiled at him.  
  
"Why thank you." Haldir leered. "Wait a minute.. The twins??? ACK!" He tried to jump out of bed but just managed to get them both tangled up and fall to the floor. "They're up to something!" He yelled as he went through the clothes on the floor, trying to find his. He finally found his breaches and jumped into them. Before actually running out the door, he paused. "Oh, another time then?" He asked while winking suggestively. When the girl on the bed nodded heartily, he smirked at her before running off to aid his friend.  
  
Outside Legolas' door:  
  
SMACK! Haldir, Aragorn, Arwen, Beleglion, and Clarea had all run into each other. They quickly stood, all in various forms of dress/undress. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" the three guys screamed at each other. Arwen was trying to get the door while they fought out who was responsible. Most people, if they found such a thing necessary, would try to calmly deduce who was at fault, but no. They were rolling on the ground exchanging blows and insults.  
  
"It's locked!" She screeched! "Oh my poor dear almost-brother! What is going on in there??" Clarea turned to the next person in line.  
  
"Who was the last girl to enter?" She asked calmly. The elf rolled her eyes. "Oh, just two ugly chicks. They were so ugly they had to hide their faces. They've been in their FOREVER! It should be my turn!" She pouted. The group visibly paled. They turned to the locked door, the testosterone battle forgotten.  
  
"What now?" Arwen whispered in horror. Haldir stepped forward calmly. "Simple. We do this." He then kicked the door in. The rest of the group stared in shock as he rushed into the room. They quickly followed only to run into him as he stopped suddenly. All the girls in the hall peeked into the room, trying to see what all the commotion was about.  
  
"Dear Lord, the Prince is gay!" Exclaimed one startled girl. "And into bondage too!" Yelled another, who actually looked quite happy about that fact....  
  
The reason for their shouts? Our poor dear prince was tied up naked to the bed, gagged (though you can still hear violent screams and curses), with Elladan and Elrohir, also naked, sitting on top of him doing..... things.  
  
Aragorn regained his senses first. "Get off of him!" He screamed as he started fighting with one of his foster brothers. Haldir followed suit, grabbing the other twin. Beleglion made his way over to the prince, removing the bonds and gag.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! NASTY!!! THEY TOUCHED ME THEY TOUCHED ME!!!!!!!! EW EW EW EW EW!!!!!!!!! And I was having such a good night too!!!!" He sobbed, before running off to the bathroom to puke and wash MANY, MANY times. The girls at the door had also run off. And this was the scene that Elrond found.  
  
Duo: HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
Legolas: I FEEL SO VIOLATED! *shudders*  
  
Emerald: *hugs comfortingly* I know. I'm sorry. I took my tiredness out on you, and I shouldn't have.  
  
Duo: *looks confused* Why not? I thought it was funny! *grins*  
  
Emerald: *rolls eyes* Of course you would. Oh by the way. I'd just like to say that I don't really think Elladan and Elrohir would do things like that, but it fit. And all the characters popping up in there are just to help the story move along. None of them are modeled after anyone I know. *looks thoughtful* Though I could always tell Kristyn she's one of those random ones. she might hurt me though..  
  
Legolas: *coughs* Ahem! On the status of votes. THIS WILL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE!!! SHE IS FINISHING THIS STORY NEXT CHAPTER!! *glares* I mean sure it sounds like it's going to be all good to prove my straightness. BUT LOOK AT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!  
  
Duo: *shakes head* Well maybe if you weren't so prissy, nobody would think you're gay in the first place!  
  
Emerald: *glares* If you two start fighting again I swear..... *mutters under breath* Oh and the voting thing. this is what it looks like so far!  
  
Funny: 3  
  
Serious: 0  
  
Two Different: 2  
  
Funny/ Serious: 0  
  
Emerald: Oh and angelgirl. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUESSED WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO!! *pouts* Thanks to everyone that reviews though! You guys are the greatest! I love you so much!! *starts sobbing happily before pulling Duo and Legolas in for a hug* We love you!! 


	8. The trouble with Mike

Disclaimer: By now I believe we have established the fact that I don't own the Lord of the Rings or its characters. Is that clear to everyone??  
  
Author's Notes: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER EVERYONE!!!!  
  
Legolas: *sobs* I'm going to miss all of you!!  
  
Duo: me too!! *hugs Legolas and they cry together* we had so much fun writing this story!!  
  
Emerald: *rolls eyes* honestly... muses these days. Sorry this is out so late but hey, at least I finished it!! Oh and Funny ending won, so you people that wanted something else. YOU SHOULD HAVE VOTED MORE!!!!  
  
Legolas: Oh, one more thing. This chapter gets a little dirty at times, though nothing can be worse then the last chapter. But just so you've been warned!  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Elrond stared in horror at everyone. He blinked twice before muttering under his breath, "I am so not in the mood to deal with this." He checked behind him to make sure the hallway was clear. After all, he didn't know what was going on, so who knew what kind of rumors could spring up from this mess. Beleglion walked over to him.  
  
"My lord, I can explain. Well sort of anyways. ok. maybe I can't explain. But it's all their fault!!" He pointed to the twins. "They tied up Prince Legolas and did HORRIBLE things to him!!!!" Arwen and Clarea nodded vigorously from the background. "We were just trying to save him."  
  
Elrond continued to stare in horror and shock. He slowly processed the words before seeming to come to a decision. "EVERYBODY STOP NOW!!" The room went silent. Aragorn and Elladan stopped strangling each other, while Haldir and Elrohir stopped mid blows, respectively sporting a broken nose and black eyes. Elrond took a deep breath to try to calm himself. "I want to know what's going on in here, and I want to know now." He said in an eerily anger-free voice.  
  
"Why nothing, Father. We are just playing around. No problems here." Elrohir said innocently. Elladan quickly picked up and continued. "In fact, we were just about to go back to our chamber. We'll be off now!" The two broke out of their holds and quickly grabbed their clothes as they attempted to run out the door. Before they could manage to escape Elrond grabbed their hair and pulled them back in. Ignoring their cries of pain he dragged them to the bed and threw them on it. He then glared at the rest of the room.  
  
"Am I surrounded by a group of children? I demand the real explanation! NOW!" Arwen timidly spoke up. She knew that as her father's beloved daughter, there was less chance of him hurting her.  
  
"Well you see, Father, it's like this. Legolas was minding his own business in his bedroom while the women lined up outside would one by one come in and make love to him. Legolas went along with it out of pure generosity. But my brothers contrived an elaborate plan to sneak out of their chambers, where you had sentenced them, my most noble Father, and in here. Once they managed to enter, they tied poor Legolas up, and. uhh. you get the picture. We were only trying to help our friend." The others in the room (excluded the twins) nodded approvingly. "So you see, darling Father of mine, Legolas was the victim here." She finished.  
  
Elrond quirked his eyebrow at the twins.. ~ES: Don't you just love it when he does that in the movie? IT'S SO ADORABLE!!! Legolas: *clears throat loudly in background* HELLO! Back to ME! ~.. "You tried to have sexual relations with Legolas, son of my beloved Thranduil, my cherished future stepson, and your own future stepbrother without his consent?" He asked, the anger becoming more apparent in his voice with each word. The twins exchanged looks of horror. They had a feeling their long lives were quickly coming to an end. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! HAVE I RAISED A PAIR OF ORCS!!!!!" Elrond glared furiously at the twins, who cowered in fear. Still fuming, he hauled the twins off the bed, pausing to throw their robes back over them, and dragged them to their chambers.  
  
The rest of the group glanced warily at the door, but it appeared that Elrond in his fury had forgotten about them. They then turned towards the bathroom. There were frantic noises still coming from with in. As one the group turned back to Arwen, knowing that she would be the best person to deal with the psychologically damaged Legolas at the moment. Meanwhile they went about repairing the door and cleaning all traces of the incident from his chambers. The night passed quickly, the rising sun showing another new day was upon them.  
  
When Elrond was finished dealing with his disobedient twins (who looked like they had seen several wars in the course of one night) he headed off to find Thranduil. Once found, he quickly relayed the events of the night to him. Thranduil fled to his son, and finding the poor prince still in a state of despair, arranged for several immediate counseling sessions.  
  
Days passed with Legolas refusing to see anyone except his father, Arwen, Elrond, and his new therapist. At first he was mortally afraid of every male in existence (which explains why his therapist was a woman..) but being a brave elf by nature he quickly shed the fear and replaced it with a growing hatred. News from Arwen of the new rumors in the city about his bondage fetish with the twins only increased his hatred. The therapist was very talented though, and helped him work through his resentment. She couldn't rid him of his intense hatred of the twins, and eventually gave up (not that the evil creatures didn't deserve it). She pronounced Legolas cured and relinquished him back to his father.  
  
The wedding was only a few days away when Thranduil took Legolas and Elrond aside.  
  
"I'm sure you two are wondering why I asked to speak with you." He began slowly. "First of all, Legolas, are you sure you're comfortable with our marriage after that incident?"  
  
Legolas calmly debated with himself for a moment before answering. "Yes Father, it's alright. I can take care of myself, and I wouldn't want to hurt you or Elrond by causing your separation." Both elves beamed at his answer. Thranduil continued.  
  
"I'm normally against such mushy sort of things as I'm about to say, but my dear Elrond has changed me for the better. I just wanted to tell you both privately before the wedding, that I love you so much! Legolas, you are my darling baby boy, and Elrond, you are my better half! You two mean so much to me!!"  
  
This sentence ended in a squeak as he dissolved into "happy tears". Elrond hugged him and started rambling on about something similar. Legolas rolled his eyes. The sight of the former enemies hugging each other with tears running down their faces and each murmuring how he loved the other more was almost enough to put him back in therapy. He coughed discreetly, hoping they'd get the idea. Luckily they did, and Thranduil went back to whatever it was he was saying while wiping his eyes with a pink handkerchief that had Elrond's name embroidered in a red heart.  
  
"Anyways, I wanted to give you both a gift." He stopped again to hand them identical green journals. "They're blank, to symbolize the new life we'll all have. Of course they're journals. Elrond you can start writing your speeches in here while working them out. (What, you didn't think he came up with all those dramatic speeches spur of the moment, did you?) I hope you both put them to good use!" He smiled proudly, obviously thinking for some unknown reason that this gift was like bestowing some sort of honor on them. It didn't help that Elrond seemed to share this delusion.  
  
"Oh my dearest! You grace me with this wonderful present! I am not worthy of your love!" He exclaimed before bursting into "happy tears" again. They both looked at Legolas expectantly.  
  
"Um, well Father, it's a nice gift. Thank you." He managed to say. Therapy certainly hadn't prepared him for this situation. Thranduil seemed content with that answer.  
  
"Ok, I'm done, you can go now." He announced. "Just remember to keep venting your thoughts like the nice lady recommended. I thought your gift might help with that. Bye now!" He gave his son a hug before grabbing Elrond and running off somewhere to go over some more wedding details. Legolas watched them go, his left eye twitching slightly. The therapist had suggested writing his thoughts down and venting them. He had ignored the suggestion at first, but having many feelings that needed venting and a journal thing in his hand, it seemed like a fine idea.  
  
Journal,  
  
Hello. My name is Legolas. I'm not sure how one normally goes about writing in their journal. I absolutely refuse to begin with Dear Diary, it is just way too anti-masculine, or feminine, whichever you prefer. Journal just sounds so stupid though. Maybe if I name you. I like that idea. So I'll call you Mike! Well Mike, let's try this again.  
  
Mike,  
  
How are you friend? I had the weirdest week. After finally being released from therapy (don't even go there, I prefer to pretend it never happened) I was accosted by my Father. He wanted to give me and Elrond matching journals. Honestly! I had better things to do at that moment! Still, you seem useful so far. Maybe I'll let that incident go.  
  
Anyways, this weekend is their wedding. Father and Elrond, I mean. I wouldn't mind so much, I'm starting to get used to their horrible public displays of affection, but then I'll be related to the twins! THOSE HORRIBLE BASTARDS!! I want to hurt them. I need to hurt them. gggggrrrrrrrrrrr...  
  
The rumors are all over Rivendell. I hear them everywhere I go. I can't stand it anymore! You know what Mike? This isn't helping. I'm going to take my mini-twin dolls to the practice field. My archery skills might be rusty from all the days spent in therapy.  
  
Later, Legolas  
  
The week passed quickly with Legolas alternating between venting in his journal and venting on the archery field. All of a sudden it was the day of the wedding. The morning blossomed, promising a gorgeous day. The elves were decked out in their finest attire. The ceremony itself was wonderful, so deep and heart wrenching that many of the elves cried. Legolas stood twitching nearby the oblivious couple during their vows, while Aragorn looked ready to barf. Afterwards there was a huge party to celebrate. All the elves in the city (and some from Mirkwood) were present. Legolas was going around the hall, trying to pick up girls, when he overheard some people talking.  
  
"Why yes it's true, the twins are gay." He perked up immediately, finally, somebody was realizing the truth!!  
  
"But isn't that because of Prince Legolas?" Another asked. The prince in question's adorable, sexy, little pointed ears were starting to turn red.  
  
"But of course! Apparently they're separated now though, the prince got mad at them after they let the world find out about his thing for bondage. He wanted it to be kept a secret." The rest of the elves in the group shook their heads sadly.  
  
Legolas quickly stormed away, fuming. He went off to a little side room, pulling his journal out (from where. we can only hopefully imagine) and began writing furiously. After a few minutes Aragorn stuck his head in the room.  
  
"Legolas, there you are! I've been looking for you. What are you doing in here?" He gave his best friend a puzzled glance. Legolas quickly threw the journal over to the side, and tried to look nonchalant.  
  
"Nothing, why?" He failed miserably. Luckily Aragorn was as sharp as a marble when it came to things like that, so he didn't notice.  
  
"Just wondering! Come on, there are some HOT elves out here!" Arwen appeared from behind him, frowning.  
  
"Oh really?" She said icily. "So you've been checking out the other elves? The love of the Evenstar isn't enough for you? NO! You have to admire every other female in existence!!" Aragorn exchanged panicked looks with Legolas before being dragged off. Legolas couldn't help but chuckle before Haldir poked in.  
  
"Those two will never learn. Now come on, we don't want people speculating about what we're doing in here together." Haldir grabbed Legolas and pulled him back into the hall. There they joined Elrond, who was looking quite flustered.  
  
"My beloved has been stolen from me by those evil well-wishers!" He exclaimed tearfully. "I can't survive without him, save me!" He flung himself at Haldir.  
  
"Have you been drinking?" Legolas asked with a smirk. Haldir was too busy having his oxygen supply cut off to ask the question on both their minds.  
  
"No, yes, maybe." Elrond paused to hiccup. "Does 20 glasses count?" Drunk as he was, he seemed to pick up on the fact that the boys were laughing at that query. "I can't help it! I have to give a speech about my feelings for my darling Thranduil, and I'm afraid he won't like it!!!!" Legolas shook his head.  
  
"Of course he'll like it. He loves everything about you."  
  
"Really???" Elrond inquired hopefully.  
  
"Yes.. Why else would he be marrying you?" Legolas tried to reply calmly, his left eye repeatedly twitching. "Now can I have my friend back?" Elrond looked down at the now blue Haldir, and quickly released him before stumbling off.  
  
"I need a drink!" Haldir gasped out. They headed to the bar, though Legolas kept looking over his shoulder. He wanted to go vent in his journal some more, but Haldir seemed to expect him to remain as his drinking buddy. With a sigh, he resigned himself to having to leave the journal there all night. It didn't seem that he'd get a chance to grab it anytime soon. At that point they had reached the bar. "Bet I can drink more than you and not puke." Haldir challenged.  
  
"You're so on!" Legolas countered. And so the drinking contest began....  
  
Quite a few hours later:  
  
"Pink. bunnies. HICCUP. Are. so. cuddly.." Haldir sang.  
  
"With fuzzy fur, and twitchy noses." Legolas joined in. He wasn't hiccupping, but every word was horribly slurred.  
  
"I love.. my pink bunny! Worship... my pink bunny!!!" They sang together. Aragorn and Arwen had returned (and made up) and were watching with barely contained laughter.  
  
"What's with the pink bunnies?" Arwen asked Aragorn.  
  
"Oh we each have a stuffed one, that's probably their inspiration." He replied. The group that had gathered to watch the highly amusing drunkards now turned to him. "It was a gift!" He said defensively.  
  
Thranduil and Elrond had by this time done the cake, danced, opened presents, and everything else one normally does at weddings. It was time for their speeches. Elrond was to go first. He quickly went to a little room off the hall, where he had stashed his present from Thranduil. He was much too trashed to remember his speech, but luckily had practiced writing it out like suggested. He finally found the green journal thrown off to the side. He frowned for a moment, confused about why it was there, but then shrugged it off and ran out to deliver his speech.  
  
"Ladies and people who aren't ladies!" He began. The room tensed up. It was rather obvious he was still very, very, drunk. The less drunk people at the bar were even watching closely. "I would like to say a few things about what my darling beloved husband means to me." He stopped to blow a kiss at Thranduil. "Unfortunately, I don't remember what I wanted to say." The whole room breathed a sigh of relief. "Fortunately, I wrote it all down in this present from the king of my heart." At least half of the room started gagging. "Now let us begin." He opened to a specific page and began to read, concentrating so hard at actually managing to read the words, that he wasn't comprehending what he was actually saying.  
  
"Mike, What's up dawg? I've been learning a new language called 'slang', and I'm trying to practice it as much as possible. Aragorn assures me that it's necessary when dealing with normal humans. I'll trust him on this, since he's my best bro. That's not why I'm writing though.  
  
You see Mike, the twins really are bastards. They managed not only to violate my perfect, gorgeous, muscular, erotic, (Duo: KNOCK IT OFF EMERALD! WE GET THE FRICKEN PICTURE!!!!) anti-gay body, but to ruin my reputation once and for all! I can't escape the rumors. And EVERYBODY believes them! The few people I had won to my side have deserted me. It sucks man, it sucks something fierce.  
  
Worse yet, because everybody believes I'm gay, I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SCORE!!! I can't stand the sexual frustration! I NEED SEX DAMNIT!  
  
Honestly, how can people think I'm gay? I'm just not turned on by guys. Now girls... that's another matter entirely. I love their hair, their eyes, their breasts, their legs, their.. But I'm getting off subject. The point is, the only thing I'm sticking my 11 inch self into HAS to belong to a female!  
  
Why can't the rest of the world see that, Mike? I think I give up. I'll just move away, to where people actually appreciate my straight self.  
  
Later dude,  
  
Legolas"  
  
The room was deathly silent. Legolas wasn't drunk enough to not realize what had just happened. He turned back to the bar and quickly started swallowing everything in sight. Elrond was beaming at everyone.  
  
"So those are my feelings for you, dearest Thranduil!" He exclaimed before passing out. Thranduil was pale, but managed to retain his dignity. He slung Elrond over his shoulder and motioned for somebody to escort Legolas to his chambers. Beleglion quickly did so. Thranduil had a feeling he would need to contact the therapist again the next morning. Arwen took control once they had left.  
  
"Thank you all for attending the wedding of my esteemed father! Help yourself to the bar for free, and have a nice night!" The room converged as one upon the bar. Arwen and Aragorn snuck out the door, dragging Haldir.  
  
"Free bar? Since when?" Aragorn looked extremely confused.  
  
"Damage control, hopefully they'll get so drunk they won't remember this night." Arwen explained.  
  
"Poor Leggy!" Haldir giggled. "Now they'll take his pink bunny away for sure, for being a pervert!!!"  
  
"What, and you're not?" Haldir responded to Aragorn's words by sticking out his tongue.  
  
The next morning:  
  
"Oww." Legolas whimpered. "Head... hurts. pain." He slowly blinked. Once his eyes were fully open however, he screamed and tried to jump away. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! OWWW!! That hurt!" He collapsed back on the bed. The twins nodded understandingly.  
  
"Hangover, no? Well I'm not surprised. I think you ended up drinking most of the bar's contents." Elrohir said before handing him some pills. "Here, these will help."  
  
Legolas took the pills, giving the twins suspicious looks. "Why are you here?" He croaked out. He glared resentfully at the pills, but decided they couldn't make him any worse. Taking the offered glass of water, he quickly swallowed them.  
  
"About that." Elladan began. "Father's amusing little speech last night made us realize something."  
  
"Yeah," Elrohir continued. "We realized you weren't gay. See we thought you were just in denial. Otherwise we never would have done what we did to you."  
  
"So now that we know," Elladan finished. "We're really sorry."  
  
Legolas blinked at them. The pills were rapidly taking effect, and he felt much better, but couldn't remember what exactly happened last night to cause this sudden change. He suspected it was a plot, but the twins looked so guilty, he didn't see how it could be. "Umm, ok." He finally replied.  
  
"Great, we'll make it up to you someday! Bye!" Elrohir said exuberantly before they skipped out the door. Legolas watched them go with a puzzled look on his face. He washed up then dressed, then decided to go get something to eat. He was no fewer than 3 feet from his door when he was suddenly glomped.  
  
"Dear Prince, it's lovely to see you this morning." Some anonymous female purred in his ear. "I've been waiting for your 11 inch self all my life." Legolas gave her a look.  
  
"That's great, come back when I'm done with breakfast." He replied. She gave him a suggestive wink before leaving. Something like this happened 7 more times on his way to breakfast, and by the time he arrived at the dining hall he was more confused than ever. Haldir, Aragorn, and Arwen were all sitting inside.  
  
"Does anybody know what's going on? If so, tell me now!" Legolas demanded. "Feed me first though, I'm starving." He plopped in a chair next to Haldir, who was looking much worse for the wear.  
  
"Not so loud!" He pleaded pitifully. Arwen and Aragorn exchanged glances. Luckily they were spared having to inform Legolas by his father marching in.  
  
"Here you go son. Try to be more careful with it this time." Thranduil said calmly. "I'll talk to you next week. Elrond's starting to become conscious, so we'll be taking off on our honeymoon soon." He hurried back to his love's side. Meanwhile Legolas stared at his journal in horror. Memories from last night were rushing back at him.  
  
"Mike, you have betrayed me." He said tearfully. "Why Mike? Why?" Arwen stood up.  
  
"I'm going to go find your therapist now, be right back!" She made a hasty departure from the room.  
  
"Cheer up." Aragorn spoke up. "I'm sure something good will come from it."  
  
Legolas looked at him in wonder. "Actually something did! The twins came and apologized to me this morning, and I've had tons of girls hitting on me!"  
  
"Do you think everyone's finally realized you're straight?" Aragorn said hopefully.  
  
"I think so!" Legolas paused to hug his journal to his chest. "And I owe it all to you Mike."  
  
Haldir clutched his head in pain. "That's great, but please stop talking!!! I want my bunny.."  
  
From that day forth, no elf in Middle Earth questioned our dear Prince's straightness. And he lived more-or-less happily ever after, or at least happier than before. Thus he ended his reign of revenge, though he swore, someday the twins would pay (for the therapy bills, if nothing else).  
  
Emerald: Ta da! What do you think?  
  
Legolas: I'm satisfied. The girls want me more than ever. Oh yeah. *smirks*  
  
Duo: It could have been better. *glares at Legolas* All his fault obviously.  
  
Emerald: Once again, I'm sorry this took so long to get out. Thank you for you're never ending patience with me, I tried my best. I hope the ending pleases you all! I love you!! *grabs Duo and starts crying*  
  
Duo: We finally finished a story, but I'll miss the experience, and you wonderful reviewers. *cries too*  
  
Legolas: Farewell, for now. *laughs evilly* 


End file.
